Thursday, May 21, 2015

Carseat Rant.

I am a licensed Civil Engineer.  I'm qualified to design and build bridges, freeways, buildings and the other basic building blocks of society.  Yet installing a rear-facing convertible carseat brought me to my knees, covered in sweat, swearing, with multiple bruises.  Who invented these things?  Are you seriously going to tell me that there is no better way to safely secure the future generation than these cumbersome devices??  I can buy a new car with every option from full perimeter cameras, to in-seat entertainment, but 'safely transport my child' isn't a dealer available option?

Car seats are arguably the most critical piece of baby equipment.  They are also a miserable rite of passage for parents.

Engineer or not, installing a carseat isn't easy.  Installing two car seats is less easy.  Installing three car seats becomes a feat of engineering and perseverance involving math, planning, googling, and crying. And frighteningly, some studies indicate that up to 93 percent of parents make mistakes installing seats.  And once the carseats are installed, the fun has just begun.

Time to install the child.

Ever tried putting a broken chapstick back in the tube?  My child will suddenly go completely mushy, making wedging them into the seat correctly nearly impossible.  Or better yet, he'll go completely stiff requiring a herculean effort to bend him into the shape of the seat.  This ordeal should certainly count as my workout.  

And it is seriously unfair to keep moving the bar!  It feels like every year car seat recommendations change.   I call foul!  Set the rules and stick by them.  At this point my children will be rear facing more or less until they are driving.

Finally, why, why, why does something designed for kids have so many places for stale raisins to reside?  I will never fully eradicate the remains of the bazillion ground up cheerios.  Not to mention the chocolate stains from the various attempts at bribing the kids into said seat.  One of the grossest things I've experienced lately was looking back to see my son chewing on something when I hadn't given him a snack.  "What are you eating??"  "A piece of a thing from my seat."  I guess I'm withdrawing my mother of the year application again this year.  

And then there are the explosions.  The ones that are way worse than the toddler making a volcano out of a GoGo squeeZ.  I mean THOSE explosions.  Everyone out of the car because by the time we get everything out and cleaned, we aren't going anywhere for a very long time.  

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